You Hold Me Tight, Even in Sleep

 Afternoon naps:

You cling to me, your little arms wrapped tightly around my neck, and I hold you close—patting gently and singing all your favorite lullabies: Nanna Muddu Thaare, Jo Jo Laali Naa Haaduve, Amma Naanu Devarane Benne Kaddilla, Chandiranethake Oduvanamma, Thili Mugila Thottilali… and finally, when I softly begin Achutham Keshavam, I feel your tiny fingers loosen. That’s when I know—you’ve drifted off to sleep.

I, who had been rocking back and forth under the fan, carefully lay you down on the bed. But even in your sleep, your little left hand clings to my neck, as if to say, “Don’t go.” If I shift even a bit, you pull me back with that same sleepy strength. You want me right there, stuck to you.

And then, I slowly slip away to brew myself a cup of chai and sit beside you. Watching you sleep so peacefully, your chest rising and falling, that little moon face of yours... oh, it fills my heart with so much love I could burst.

But just the previous night—oh, what a contrast! While both Appa and I were begging for sleep, eyes shutting like staplers snapping shut, you were full of energy. You refused to let me dress you—something you otherwise insist on doing all by yourself—and instead hid behind the curtain near our bed, the whole thing wrapped tightly around you. Your little legs peeked out from below, and you called out, “Amma, I’ve hidden! Find me where I am!”

There I was, barely managing to open even one eye—no, not even half an eye—pretending to search for you. Then you kept switching the light on and off like it was daytime again. Finally, Sushan pulled the fuse out! And just then—you suddenly declared you were thirsty.

Poor Sushan, fighting his own sleep, brought you water… which you joyfully splashed everywhere and burst out laughing! By now, we were well past our patience. We ended up holding your hands and legs gently but firmly, trying to tuck you into bed. You cried loudly for almost an hour—as if we were the ones troubling you!

Then suddenly, you leapt from me onto Appa and asked him, “You pat me! Put me to sleep!”
And now, here you are… sleeping like a calm little angel, as if none of that was ever you.